I’ve dusted the cobwebs off my site.
It’s kind of funny being back here. On this space. Looking at pictures from – oh, I don’t know – a whole year ago. A whole year!
I think my last really great update on the ol’ Soderberg crew was talking about our summer. That epic summer that filled my spirit and prepared my boy for the big new world of Kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN! Five full days a week. I couldn’t even imagine! There was an ache in my heart just thinking about the time away from that boy. A fear that I would not be there to pick him up when he falls. Go all “crazy momma bear” when someone hurts his feelings. Those feelings of his that I have fiercely protected over the last 5 years. The unknown was just so vast. And overwhelming.
And Lucas. I think I was celebrating a job well done. A job finished. Completed. Check off that little bump in the road called Sensory Processing Disorder.
Moving on… High five Me!
HA! I am just sitting here shaking my head. What an idiot I was as momma of an SPD kid back then. (shakes head) Yeah… um… back in therapy. (still shaking head) BUT, I learned that this boy has more fight in him than I even knew and more dreams and love than a heart can hold. I love him so.
And Roman. My baby that I held on to every breath. Every wheeze. Every rise and fall. I wish I had known that in just a year, she would be scaring the shit out of me in a totally different way. A way of defiance and fight and rebellion. A bravery that is inspiring. This crazy girl has a strong will. A will that last year kept her alive and this year, it keeps me alive.
So now, here I am on the other side of that big valley of unknown. Of insecurities. The school year is finally coming to an end. Arguably the best year of our lives.
Brooks went into this year my baby with a peek over his shoulder to make sure I was there. A look in his eye asking me,
“Are you sure about this momma?”
But now, somehow, he is walking out of those doors with an independence and swagger that is all his own. A confidence that simultaneously breaks my heart and lifts my spirit. This kid was built up through successes and failures. He’s learning that kids can be brutal but he doesn’t have to be. And He’s dreaming big – pushing through. Kindergarten, I think we will miss you. I kind of wish I could hold on to you just a little bit longer. But here we are, with end-of-the-year activities, recitals, field days, packets of summer reading lists and first grade -wtf! FIRST GRADE- school supply lists. It’s all coming to an end.
And just like that, I’m on the other side. Looking back all nostalgic for the past. And starting to feel all hopeful and inspired for the summer ahead! I can taste it. Even through weeks of rain and clouds. (And weather cold enough to bust out winter Uggs.)
I can still taste you summer! I’m coming for you!
I’m coming with three kids and a man so different than we were the last time we met. We are thinner. (MyFitnessPal FTW!) And older. Stronger and less tired. No longer just surviving but living. Living the life we kind of always wanted. This year we have grown up – all of us. We’ve learned to pull together as a family. And to support each other in new ways.
And I have learned to dream. And dream big. Which, to be honest, is really new to me. As a momma who pours everything I have– every last drop into being a mom. Not just a mom. But the very best mom. It’s been really weird to kind of start waking up to girl.
A girl before she met baby.
A girl that might just have a dream that is all her own. It’s something that gives me butterflies in my stomach. The world of possibilities.
I’ve started to dip my toes into that new world. Into those dreams. And I’m all sorts of inspired. Style. Fashion. The Mom Edit. Magazine clippings. Pinterest and blogs. And writing – Oh writing! I love you so. My heart has a place for you. And that’s been so good for me to remember. This place – Girl Meets Baby. It’s what started it all.
So on to the next chapter. Our chapter. My chapter. Where I will tell myself what I whisper in my kids ears at night,
“You’ve got this. Just work for it baby.”